Funny Einstein

This is a very funny thing i heard about Einstein. I started my day reading this mail from a friend. It is really funny.

Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'

Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going'

Intelligent Indians

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct.. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says,  Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course." Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong .. It's Manmohan Singh!"

EMBRACING IMPERFECTION

When I was a little boy, I could remember, my mom making breakfast and dinner for us. And I remember one night in particular, when she had made dinner after a long, hard day at home. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of vegetables, salad and burned chapati in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed' Yet all my dad did was, to reach for his chapati, smile at mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but, I do remember watching him smear chatani on that chapati and eat every bite?

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad For burning the chapati. And I'll never forget what he said. Honey, I love burnt chapati. Later that night, I went to kiss daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his chapati burnt. He wrapped me in his arms and said
Dear , your momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired, And besides, a little burnt chapati never hurt anyone. You know life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.

I am not the best housekeeper or cook. What I've learn t over the years Is that learning to accept each others faults And choosing to celebrate each others difference Is one of the most important keys for creating a healthy growing And lasting relationship. And that's my prayer for you today, that you will learn to take The good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life And lay them at the feet of God Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able To give you a relationship Where burnt chapatti isn't a deal-breaker" We could extend this to any relationship, in fact . As understanding is the base of any relationship ,
Be it a husband - wife or parent - child or even with friends.

Don't put the key to your happiness in Someone Else's pocket, but, into your own

Human Brain Analysis!

Women - Multiple process
Women's brain is designed to concentrate multiple tasks at a time.
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.

Men - Single Process
Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men cannot watch a TV and talk over the phone at the same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.

LANGUAGE.   
Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain sets up. But cannot find the solutions to problems.

Men cannot easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.
A 3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than a 3 year old boy.

ANALYTICAL SKILL   
Men's brain has lot of space for handling the analytical process. So easily he can analyze and find the solution for a process.
He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.
If a complex map is viewed by women, she cannot understand it. She cannot understand the details of the map easily.
For her it is dump of lines in a paper.

CAR DRIVING.
While driving a car, men's analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fast.  If he see an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object's (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and drive accordingly. Where as women take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. His single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrating only on the driving.
You can often watch, while men driving the car fast, the women sit next to him will shout, "GO SLOW" , "CARE FULL", "AAHHH", "OHH GOD.." ..etc..

LIE   
Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they get caught easily.
Her super natural brain observes the facial expression 70%, and the body language 20% and the words coming from the mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while lying.
Men's brain does not have this.
Women easily lie to men face to face.
So guys, While lying to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the lights or cover your/her face with blanket..

PROBLEM.   
End of day, if men have lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and puts the problems in individual rooms in the brain and then finds the solution one by one.

You can see many guys looking at the sky for a long time. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.
End of Day, if women have lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry about the problem being solved or not.

WANTS   
Men want STATUS, SUCCESS, solutions, big process... etc
Women want RELATIONSHIP, friends, family...etc...

UNHAPPY
If women are unhappy with their relations, they can not concentrate on work.
If men are unhappy with their work, they can not concentrate on the relations..

MAP
Men can easily locate the place in a complex map. His analytical brain does this.
While watching a cricket match in a stadium with full of crowd, men can leave his seat to tea shop and keeps everything in his mind and comes back to his seat with out problems. He uses his analytical skills space of brain.
Women can't do this. They often lose their way to their seat.

LIFE
Life is very easy to Men. One good job,(One alcohol bottle is enough for them - Optional)
Women want everything in life.

SPEECH   
Women use indirect languages in speech.
Merlin asked Sam, "Sam do you like to have a cup of coffee?"
This means, Merlin wants a cup of coffee.   

Men use direct language. "Merlin, I want to have a cup of coffee, Pls stop the car when you see a coffee shop".

HANDLING EMOTION
Women talk a lot without thinking.
Men act a lot with out thinking.

That's why many of prisoners are men all over the world.